well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
