Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
