Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
