What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
