The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
