This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
