I want to walk on stilts...naked
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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