1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize