Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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