paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
