I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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