How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Who died my cat blue again?
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