Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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