first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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