I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
