well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
