I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
