There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
