I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
