Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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