I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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