Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i think i just lost a toe
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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