I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize