Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
