hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
