yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
