You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
