help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
