I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
