There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize