Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
