just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize