Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
