I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
