I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize