I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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