we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize