he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
