She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
