Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize