This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
