Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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