youre lurking in front of me
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
