I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
