considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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