My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
