did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
