Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
