Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
