and you said cock pushups were impossible
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize