I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Randomize
