There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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