I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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