so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
