the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is Oprah even human
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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