Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i've created a new STD.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
