i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
