the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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