You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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