I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
