I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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