also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
