I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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