Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
