did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
