I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
