You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
