i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
