I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
