marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
