You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
