ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
