Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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