hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize