I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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