bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize