omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
