I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
