So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
