Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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