I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
