Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
