The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
