Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
