i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
