When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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