where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
