Don't you send me to vm
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize