Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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