does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
