wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Randomize
