i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize