somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm like, not good at living.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
