I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
