Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
