1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
