youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
