Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize