when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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