Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
