a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
