I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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